Life, Work, and Discovering Your 'Why': Finding Balance in an Unstable World

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. – Abraham Lincoln

Architect Frank Lloyd Wright once told of an incident that may have seemed insignificant at the time, but had a profound influence on the rest of his life. The winter he was 9, he went walking across a snow-covered field with his reserved, no-nonsense uncle. As the two of them reached the far end of the field, his uncle stopped him. He pointed out his own tracks in the snow, straight and true as an arrow's flight, and then young Frank's tracks meandering all over the field.

"Notice how your tracks wander aimlessly from the fence to the cattle to the woods and back again," his uncle said. "And see how my tracks aim directly to my goal. There is an important lesson in that."

Years later the world-famous architect liked to tell how this experience had greatly contributed to his philosophy in life.  "I determined right then," he'd say with a twinkle in his eye, "not to miss most things in life, as my uncle had."

Many people often miss the most important things in life because they fail at this essential skill as a leader- work/life balance. It’s a struggle for many leaders. Could it be yours?

In research conducted by EY (http://bit.ly/1QjTJZ8) it was reported that, “33% of full-time employees globally say it has gotten more difficult to manage work/family in the last five years. The most common reasons cited 49% “my salary has not increased much, but my expenses have” and 48% “my responsibilities at work have increased.” Sound familiar?

Having a good work/life balance is essential to your success. As a leader you are not immune from the challenge. In fact, it may be more problematic for you. So what is the solution? Here are a few tips to help you recapture some of that much needed balance.

Begin with your priorities

Almost every article I read on work/life balance begins with work. It goes without saying that work is important. But how would things be different for you if you looked at it from the viewpoint of a life/work balance? If the priorities of your life are not in order then how can work? Get life’s priorities in order first then you can take care of the rest.

Discover your ‘why’

I’m a firm believer that you should do what you love and love what you do. When you do, it’s not work but your passion. Understanding your ‘why’ is essential to you as a leader. John Maxwell framed it this way, “People who know their why can keep their heads while everything around them is in turmoil. And that draws others to them.” Life and work makes sense when you know why you are here.

Get flexible with schedules

Fortunately, many companies are seeing the benefit of flexible work schedules which allows for greater productivity, greater teamwork, and happier employees, etc. (http://huff.to/1SxzdV1). Creating a work/life balance does not have to be an either/or proposition where one is good and the other is not. Smart leaders can create a culture where both can thrive.

Define your borders

As a leader many things compete for your time and attention. If not careful you can get caught up in solving problems that are not yours to solve, involved in details that easily can be handled by someone else, and otherwise distracted from having the work/life balance you desire. This is an area in which you will need to stand firm. Define your borders and stick to it.

Get real about relationships

People are your greatest appreciable asset. Building strong relationships is the key to your growth as a leader and to the success of your organization. But surrounding yourself with the right people is more important than surrounding yourself with a lot of people. So here are some questions you need to answer: Are those closest to you adding value or subtracting? Do those closest to you share your vision and values and see the big picture or are they in it for themselves? Relationships are key to your work/life balance. If you are surrounded by the wrong people then it’s time to prune.

Lighten up

Ella Wheeler said, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone". Creating a good work/life balance can be just one laugh away. It’s important to take your work seriously, but not yourself. Laugh. Lighten up. Learn to take things in stride. Don’t be wound up so tight that you can’t enjoy a light moment now and then.

Your work/life balance begins with these simple steps. Are you ready for some balance in your life?

© 2016 Doug Dickerson

A Grass Hut, a Firetruck, and Cigarettes – The Day I Quit Smoking Cold Turkey

We do not remember days, we remember moments. - Cesare Pavese 

It was in the early 1970’s and I was in my early teens. On a hot summer day a friend and I walked up to the local 7 Eleven to buy some cigarettes. I know, I know-- but back in that day it was not illegal to buy or sell them.

We were out in the big field behind our homes sitting in a grass hut we had made enjoying the Marlboro’s- when suddenly I felt a swift foot in my back. I turned in time to see flames engulfing the hot dry hut we had built. I got out just in time.

Our futile efforts to stomp out the fire led us to make the only logical decision we could make in our moment of desperation - run!

My friend ran one way, I another. It was not part of any strategic plan- it’s just the way it happened.  As I ran with all my might I recall seeing the blur that was my house. I kept running.  The local fire station that sat next to the 7 Eleven responded with one of their trucks. Our paths crossed briefly as the truck rolled past me. Fortunately, the fire was contained and no injury to property or life ensued.

Life experiences have a way of helping us put leadership lessons in perspective. Here are my three takeaway from the day I quit smoking cold turkey.

With the right motivation you can do anything!

My motivation to stop smoking was brought about not by a fancy ad campaign or regulations that came in later years. It was much more personal. If the motivation is right you can do anything you set your heart and mind to. You can achieve any goal or dream you desire if you don’t give up. You just have to find that tipping point and the right motivation.

If you play with fire you can get burned

The matches and cigarettes on a hot summer day were the ingredients for disaster. As leaders; often it’s the little things that trip us up. Little things like your attitude that will make you or break you. It’s the way you relate to and treat people that make a difference. If you are a jerk – you are playing with fire and eventually you’ll get burned.

Not everyone who kicks you in your backside is your enemy

As I sat in that grass hut oblivious to the danger around me, it was a hard kick in the back that got me out in time. Your growth as a leader is up to you. Not everyone who slaps you on the back is necessarily your friend and not everyone who kicks you in the back is your enemy. As you grow as a leader you will learn to figure it out.

In hindsight, I'm glad I quit smoking cold turkey.

© 2015 Doug Dickerson

Charleston Strong Leadership

Photo by Doug Dickerson

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; and a time to pluck what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal. – Ecclesiastes 3:1-3

Where were you when you first heard the news of the shooting at Mother Emanuel AME Church in Charleston? It’s the question we ask during such life-changing events. It’s a defining question we ask whereby we put our response into context. It’s how we frame our feelings and try and make sense of the senseless.

On Wednesday, June 17^th, 2015, nine of Charleston’s finest God-fearing citizens were gathered in their house of worship. Where they were was by choice. What happened to them was not. Slowly, as the news unfolded before our eyes - the depth, breadth, and severity of the tragedy shocked all of us to the core. How can this be? How can something like this happen here in Charleston?

In the aftermath of the shooting, several things became apparent to those of us who have been blessed to call the Lowcountry home. Living here over the past thirty years I have seen the resilience of the people in trying times before, i.e. Hurricane Hugo. But what happened this past week was different and for different reasons. Here are a few takeaways from my slant as a leadership writer.

Great leaders solicit the best from their people

Albert Einstein said, “Adversity introduces a man to himself.” During these trying days we have not only been introduced to ourselves but we have introduced ourselves to a watching world. And that introduction has caught the attention of the world in a way that has made us all proud. Our leaders stepped up, spoke up, and showed the world what makes us so special.

In the aftermath of the shooting, the leaders of our community such as Mayor Joe Riley, Chief of Police Greg Mullen, Governor Nicki Haley, our clergy and various civic leaders- they called forth the best of the community. Their leadership was calm, tempered, professional, and impressive. They called forth the best from our community and the community responded in a powerful way.

Great people responded with grace

Last Friday I went to Mother Emmanuel AME Church to pray. There I met new friends, Gideon and Ashley who had just moved to Charleston a few months ago from Florida. That they were black and I white, made no difference. We joined hands in the sweltering heat and prayed for our city. It was a way for us to reconcile what we were feeling and do what we felt could make a difference.

The same day across town in a courtroom, family members of one of the victims spoke words of forgiveness and grace to the one who took away what was most precious to them. It was a defining moment in which the curtain into the heart and soul of our community was peeled back and the world got to see what was inside.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subjects and verbs agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”

Our community has displayed a heart full of grace and love. It’s been on display everyday outside Mother Emmanuel, in the courtroom, in the TD Arena, and in countless other houses of worship since. We came by the thousands in unity to span the Arthur Ravenel Bridge in solidarity and prayer in remembrance of the nine. In our time of tragedy, evil, and grief, great people stepped up and the greater Charleston community demonstrated uncommon grace.

Great opportunities come from great tragedy

The tragedy at Mother Emmanuel AME was not of our choosing, but how we move forward is. Our grieving process takes on many forms from tears, anger, and many unanswered questions. But in the end, it must serve a higher purpose. 

If the measure of our response is proportional to the measure of our grief and sorrow, then I have no doubt that out of our great sorrow will come much good.

In closing, let the names of the victims spur us to not be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good: The Honorable Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Cynthia Hurd, Susie Jackson, Ethel Lance, Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Tywanza Sanders, Rev. Daniel Simmons, Sr., Rev. Sharonda Singleton, and Myra Thompson.

We are Charleston, and we will forever be, Charleston Strong!

© 2015 Doug Dickerson