Just cause you got the monkey off
your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. - George Carlin
In a Peanuts
cartoon Lucy demanded that Linus change TV channels, threatening him with her
fist if he didn’t. “What makes you think you can walk right in here and take
over?” asks Linus.
“These five
fingers,” says Lucy. “Individually they’re nothing but when I curl them
together like this in a single unit, they form a weapon that is terrible to
behold.”
“Which
channel do you want?” asks Linus. Turning away, he looks at his fingers and
says, “Why can’t you guys get organized like that?”
While good
organization is needed and commended in your office and place of business –
bullying isn’t.
In trying to
understand the rise in workplace bullying Shana Lebowitz wrote a piece in USA
Today (http://usat.ly/1fYbxKB) and pointed out that according to a 2011 survey half of the
employees said they were treated rudely at least once a week. Many said the experience
of bullying had caused them to develop health issues such as anxiety and
depression. Some had even left their jobs.
Bullying is
a serious concern on many levels. Much has been written about being a victim of
bullying, but not enough about or to the bullies. Bullying is an unfortunate
issue that leaders must recognize and deal with.
Some people
may pass off their bullying behavior with “it’s just my personality” not
realizing that the person on the other end sees it quite different. What are
some of the common bullying behaviors? What are some of the warning signs to
look for? Here are five for your consideration.
You are oblivious to your meanness.
It may not
be overtly intentional (although it might) but the words you choose and the way
you vocalize them can rub others the wrong way. While you may feel you are only
expressing the truth as you understand it, it’s not what you say but how you
say it that leaves the lasting impression. Choose your words carefully and
verbalize them with discretion.
You work
behind the scenes and attempt to orchestrate things in your favor or desired
outcome. It may be to freeze someone else out or get what you want by pitting
one person or group against another. This type of behavior drives wedges and
destroys trust. The philosophy is driven by a jealousy that says if you can’t
get what you want then neither will the other person.
You are a gossip and a busybody.
While you
may think you are just keeping up with the latest office news you might want to
stop and consider the consequences. There is no virtue in gossiping about
others and being up in everyone else’s business. If you can’t be trusted not to
interfere with other people’s personal business what gives you the right to believe
you can be trusted with company business?
You are a control freak.
Similar in
style to the manipulator your objective is not so much about the performance of
others as it is control. You are overbearing with expectations and demands and
it’s simply a way to throw your weight around. If you are a leader who is
displaying this type of behavior you only have a following because of your
title and nothing more.
You are two-faced.
This is a
common characteristic of a bully. You pretend to be one thing in public but are
something else in private. You confide to a colleague in private and cut their
legs out from under them in public. The end game is that it’s all about you and
people are pawns.
Now that a
few bullying behaviors have been identified it’s time for some honest
evaluation. Have you in the past or are you now displaying any of the above
mentioned behaviors? Do you notice that people tend to avoid you at work? Have
you taken stock of how you treat others and look for ways to improve your
people skills? Would you consider asking for help in identifying areas that
need improvement?
Until you
take ownership of a bullying past or present then being a bully will likely be
a part of your future. Take steps now to stop it. You have a lot to lose if you
don’t and everything to gain if you get it right.
What do you
say?
© 2013 Doug
Dickerson
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